19 Nov
  • By subhi Nahas
  • Cause in

Feel Like Human, again.

I guess everybody now knows how difficult it is for gay people to live in Muslim Societies. 

It’s homophobic, which means having to face every day slander, unfair treatment, rumors, family quarrels, the list goes on and on. Sometimes I try hiding my true self in front of people so I can survive, but this makes me tired because pretending to be someone you are not is no easy task. 

I feel like I’m wasting my life here. People do not treat us like humans. They see us as something that must be avoided, stigmatized and untouched. 

Years fly and I too, want to feel like I’m a human. One who has right to life and love. I don’t want to end up someday being kicked to the curb with nobody on my side. Even mom who accepts me, would not be able to stop them from throwing me out because they would throw her out too. 

For many years my father and siblings have not spoken to me because of my homosexuality. To make matters worse my father threatened to kill me so many times that I often have nightmares. I don’t feel safe at home anymore. I wanted to flee but mom stopped me. She begged me not to, and I cried because I saw her begging me with tears.  

I tried killing myself so many times. I cried on my own so many times . I was surrounded by darkness from all sides. I tried to get help so I could move from here but nobody seems to care. Now I’m all confused. I am sure about one thing only: I want to be somewhere else, where I’m not subject to endless insults and judgment by homophobic people, especially from my family. 

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subhi Nahas

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